About behaviour

There are two presuppositions that I find quite controversial, at a first glance, but quite complementary, in essence.

A person’s behaviour is NOT who they really are, and also (I would say “but” in the past – but I do not like “buts” anymore, so it’s an “and”), a person’a behaviour tells a LOT about their current state, each time.

Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Disgust. Contempt. Surprise. Fear. A bundle of fundamental feelings that come and go relentlessly. One cannot last more than 17 seconds, max. Those seconds show the STATE of the person, each time. What happens afterwards, meaning people’s behaviour, is a direct manifestation of their beliefs, the stereotypes that they have adopted, their past experiences, their history, their values, and whatever has been “installed” as “meta-programs” during their childhood.

It is one’s choice to keep e.g. the happiness and the happy state after the “17 seconds” of the initial feeling have passed. Same with anger. One can keep the anger as a response to pressure (or violation of their boundaries – it’s one and the same), or as a memory of an unfair experience in the past (again perceived as a disregard of one’s boundaries…) and so on and so forth… Learnt and automatic responses and behaviours that are not easily or shall I better say, consciously questioned.

As for the state of one person, I like thinking (and it comforts me) that all feelings are welcome and valid. The behaviours that accompany them, are NOT all welcome.

Disrespect out of fear, yelling out of anger, irony out of contempt, bitterness out of sorrow, negativity, disconnection, bullying, and other behaviours that infect the “common places” among people, do not promote connection and break the flow and communication.

Learn to accept and validate the feeling.

Learn to regulate the behaviour.

Disconnect. Stand still. Take your time. Isolate yourself. Take a breath. Make it laughter, make it tears. Feel the state and then let it go.

Also, ask yourself…who do you really are? Question your beliefs. Question your reactions. Question your perception.

What are your values? And which of these do you “value” most? Which next? And…, what is most important to you? To win the dispute? To set and keep your boundaries? To learn yourself? To be happy? Money, friends, love, health? Says who?

Ask, dig deeper and deeper. Learn deep, to the bone, and up to the bottom of the iceberg.

And then return.

Validate and honour the state, let it go, honour and respect your values, let them sink in, and then live. Live, live, like this is the most wonderful day in your miraculous life.